There comes a time in an author’s life when she stops authoring and starts marketing. After all, if you write a book and nobody reads it, does it still exist?
A book signing is a perennial tradition. It’s practically mandatory. So, like any aspiring author, I started jumping through hoops to make it happen.
I tried the hospital first. I knew they were going to be excited about the opportunity! They are my book’s world! I’m about to make them famous!
I asked about using a table in the cafeteria after lunch.
If you offer a donation, they said.
I make $1.59 for a paperback. The average book signing sells 3-4 books. Do the math.
I tried the gift shop.
They belong to a franchise. They have their own vendors. I’m not one of them.
I was feeling hopeless when I tried the library. They said yes. Sarah kindly showed me around, assigned me a table, and advised me to bring some wrapped sweets rather than my very special brownies.
Therefore on Saturday, July 13th, 2019, 2-4, I’ll host my first book signing at the Plattsburgh Public Library. I’ll be signing – and selling – OVERDOSE if anyone stops by.
I’m starting to get the hibie-jeebies. What if nobody shows up? I’ll sit alone, looking dejected, waiting for somebody to speak to me!
Actually, it sounded kind of good. Everybody wants to speak to me in the ER: Patients wanting a script, families wanting an admission, Etown sending me a patient, pharmacy telling me the patient is allergic to something he takes every day, the radiology tech telling me I’m X-raying the wrong leg.
I’m awful popular in the ER.
Not in the library.
How do I fix that? Wine, I thought. Emma and I, we love wine.
I went for the next best. I got chocolate.
As to being alone, I invited my sister-wife, Sharon.
You didn’t know I had a sister-wife? I do. Sharon’s number one. I’m number three.
Sharing a husband, even at different times, creates a special kind of kinship. She understands where I’m at. I understand how she got where she’s at.
Back to the signing. Steve printed posters.
No place to put them up. For a country proud of her freedom of speech, there aren’t many places you can post stuff. None at CVPH. Nothing at Walmart. Nothing at Price Chopper, the post office or Sam’s.
The Co-Op was good to me. So were Condo Pharmacy, Dame’s wine store, and the cozy Keene library. Friends helped. There may be posters in places I don’t know of. Or not.
Promoting a book is a lot like motherhood: You gestate her for a year, you birth her, then you try to find her playdates, while you’re pregnant with her brother.
I’m working on the raffle – I have Audible codes to give away in exchange for reviews. I’ll buy flowers. I’ll put on makeup. I’ll do my best to look both comfy and professional, pretending that I don’t really care if anybody shows up.
Stop by will you? I’d love to see you there.
I’ll tell you about Mercy. Maybe even read a scene.
If you don’t get a book, I’ll autograph you a card. May be worth money someday!
Thanks for being here.
Be well, and, as always, keep in touch, will you?